•July 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I got my lip pierced!

I always seem to get pierced around times of life trauma. My parents’ divorce motivated me to finally get the piercings I’ve wanted for years and some fight with my dad prompted me to get my septum done years ago. I’m weird like that. Maybe it’s psychological but the adrenaline makes it easier. I’m so pleased. It barely hurt at all and I’m a big baby with pain. I always go to the same shop. The people there are awesome. I went into another place with a friend who was purchasing jewelry and asked about prices and such. They charged $30+ more for the same piercings as my shop. Crazy. They also took a look at my navel to see how closed up it was. Its not too bad. I might reopen it.

Now to save up for a tattoo! ugh what am I talking about. Im broke as can be AND child support still hasn’t dealt with my ex and his new job. I briefly talked to him the other day and he confirmed he was still itching to terminate his parental rights so I have to figure out how to do that now..

My exs sister met Jay the other day when I took my son to meet his great grandmother who is my exs grandma and is 100 years old! It felt like the right thing to do. I still try to get along with my exs family and be a good person. Not sure why when my ex father in law treats me like a ghost and now my youngest ex brother in law also gives me the cold shoulder. Sigh. I played so many video games with him for years. He was such an awesome guy. Just shows how people can change. Frustrating.

I’m sad harry potter is over. I wont even go beyond that. I loved the books and movies and need to buy the big movie collection now on DVD for my son. I also need games like “dead island” and “gears of war 3” to HURRY UP! oh and they finally added “aliens: colonial marines” back on the release dates! It actually looks good! As opposed to aliens versus predator for consoles that kind of tanked. I wish I had “Alice.” I used to play the original. I’d like the cheshire cat as a tattoo. I’ll never forget seeing him in a gaming magazine when I was like 13. It really impacted me. Thinking back to all the game/animation related influences in my life is really interesting. I hope my son has as much fun with them as I did. Without becoming addicted.



Happiest place on earth

•July 28, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Just got back from the happiest place on earth and let me just say- wow.

Had such a great time. My son did wonderfully aside from his sudden urge to hit and bite everyone within arms length (like all the people in line). We went on haunted mansion, pirates, tower of terror, California screaming, splash mountain and some kid rides. Jay was marvelous with the offspring and continues to impress me every day. What an amazing guy. We’re going back in November with his family!

My parents are divorcing soon upon which I’ll be moving with my dad and my girlfriend whom I plan to move out with by ourselves eventually when we can afford it. Her parents are extreme Jehovahs witnesses and are abandoning her because she doesn’t conform to their every desire. Such ridiculous parents out there, I realize it more now than I myself am a parent..

Oh and I have a phone again so hopefully I can post more frequently! Haha I’m so excited “the guild” season 5 is finally starting! I’ve been sharing past seasons with Jay while he shared “true blood” and “doctor who” with me. I’ll only watch doctor who with David tennant as the doctor. He’s my favorite! Cannot wait to see him in “fright night!” true blood has become my new guilty pleasure. In obsessed with Eric Northman! Who’d have thought Anna paquin would go from “fly away home” to a sexy racey vampire HBO show!


Destined for failure?

•July 16, 2011 • Leave a Comment

This gamer mom is STILL very phone-less. Without wordpress on my phone, I unfortunately write less!

It’s also frazzling trying to track down my ex to finish the last of the divorce paperwork with. I finally got the new petition and summons filed yesterday. It feels really good. We would have been married 2 years this november. Seems like that whole life and the entire 5 year relationship was just a dream within a dream, as if it never really happened.

My son is officially 1 years old although his party isnt for a couple weeks. I kept having to move it around because all my friends work and didn’t want to take time off.  Oh to be young and an asshole, haha…I invited my ex’s parents and all three of his siblings and their spouses. They are all nice people and mean well. My ex’s dad is the only stick in the mud who doesn’t even awknoledge me anymore (as if i’m the one who up and left his son). He has no right to treat me like that but I just let it go because I honestly do not have the strength for one more conflict right now.

My parents are also getting a divorce. My dad filed HIS paperwork along side me at the court yesterday. My mom doesn’t know yet and I am hoping i’ll be in disneyland when she finds out which is in a week from today. If it were not for me, my parents would not have stayed together very long after being married. It just was not meant to be. Jay said something to me in passing about it along the lines of…”I’m sorry, it must be hard when the first stable thing in one’s life turns out not to be so stable…” Which is true because despite the reality of divorce and problems out there, SUPPOSEDLY your parents are becon of light. Seeing 2 people work together with compromise and love and understanding is so important for a child. I fear I’ll never be married or am destined for another divorce purely because of my own parents…

Anyhow, this divorce does have SOME light at the end of the tunnel: my dad will be moving and so will I. I have a best girlfriend that I had been talking to about moving out with in the next year and my dad is offering up his new house as a starting ground for us living together since he travels a lot and it will be a 3 bedroom. I’m extatic. Finally more space, a room mate and peace away from my mother. I love my mom but I seriously need some time away from insanity for awhile…

Jay has a crazy ex. She is still (after 3 months of dating) unaware that he has a new girlfriend. Apparently she is crazy bipolar and manic depressive. She is also a cutter. He seems afraid of her…or for her since she used to send him pictures of her cutting herself whenever he’d say the wrong thing. How do people END UP IN RELATIONSHIPS with people like that?! I mean, I get that I have a shitty ex but he isn’t crazy just selfish. While it deffinately irritates me that Jay hasn’t told her about me yet, I know she will find out soon enough since we’re all invited to the same party in september. She stands 6 feet tall. Wish me luck..


Commitment/Trust Issues.

•June 27, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Apparently, my iphone took a ride atop Jay’s car and was never heard from again. It’s the end of the world. No really, I bought that back when I still had money and now…well I’m shit out of luck.

I’ve lost something like three phones in my life. I’m cursed. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to lose my son (gotta get one of those backpack leashes lol). I used to be so judgmental about those stupid kid leashes but now I figure you might as well if you are going somewhere like disneyland…WHICH I AM! Yea,..Jay is TAKING THE OFFSPRING AND I TO THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. It’s been a delicious 3 months of dating and I hope this will continue to be take-my-breath-away-awesomeness. I feel like Bridget Jones just before going on her mini-break holiday with Hugh Grant…and then it all goes downhill and she finds out he’s a cheating, lying scumbag…mmyep. No, Jay is wicked cool. He even said the “L” word unexpectedly the other week. I faltered and did a horrible silent-no reaction to which an awkward couple days of “I understand, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird,” conversations were brought up by poor Jay. I’m ecstatic that he cares deeply for me but…I’m still so cautious. I fear anyone I let in will use me and then turn around and leave when they’re done. I do feel like I am falling for him but I want to really mean “I love you,” before saying it. I can’t believe I’m the girl and I’m having to say that. Guh, I’m such a man. *Commitment issues*

((But yea, he is really taking us to DisneyLand! It’s so ridiculous I can’t even believe it. He’s taking a week off work to drive us down, baby stuff and all. Not to mention he’s paying for 75% of the trip. We’re seeing if any of our friends want to join to ease the gas/motel price but still. This guy can’t be real. I keep saying that to myself. I’m becoming a believer…TOWER OF TERROR, HERE I COME!!))

My son is starting to take a couple steps here and there. He’ll be a year old in a week. He also now throws tantrums. Like turn red in the face and throws himself around tantrums. Plus he’s becoming more and more rejecting of his jarred baby food but is intensely picky about what solids I give him. My mom laughs and says that he’s the spitting image of me. Thanks mom.

Annnnd in other news: I’m 99% sure I have ADD/ADHD. So on top of being on anti-depressants, I’ll probably be on adderall or something after I stop breastfeeding. Ugh I hate medication. Someone told me to get a medical marijuana card, lol. I told them that’d make me feel too 16 again. It’s hard being a mom, it really is. A single mom who can’t afford video games or comics. So depressing. I haven’t been able to by my son new toys in months. I feel so shitty but Jay took me to see “Green Lantern,” and was SO impressed. It’s right up there with “Iron Man,” maybe even better. Mmmm mm, Ryan Reynolds. I cannot wait to see him in a “Deadpool,” movie! I so appreciate Jay’s companionship and genuine kindness. He really looks out for my son and I.

I signed up for WIC the other day. Still trying to get the hang of these weird coupons. I haven’t used any yet. I’m a little embarrassed and I know I shouldn’t be but I get nervous holding onto them. I’m still trying to figure out what government assistance I can tap into for housing ect. If I do not move out in the next year, I’ll have a meltdown. Living with super opinionated grandparents is taking it’s toll. Love my parents but we get along so well living apart.

Wish me luck guys, I really need it!


Hide the rum

•June 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Hmm, so I had a nicely drafted post to blog yesterday and for some reason my iphone did not save it as a draft. I am quite displeased. It went something like this:

I realized something the other day. People are easily blinded whether it be by emotions or tangible things…or alcohol.  Uncensored, unforgivable alcohol. I seriously drank for the first time in 8 months the other night because my parents watched my son so I could bid a long time friend farewell (he’s going into the military). I ran into what I had considered an ex friend at the party. He was both my ex’s and my best friend for years and pretty much abandoned me in my hour of need because my ex told him he’d be angry if he hung out with me after we parted ways. Yea, douchey move, I know but in an inebriated blur of “I’m sorry’s” and “Your ex is an asshole,” I forgave him. Plus he walked me to the bathroom twice that night so he’s in my good graces regardless right now.

He finally realized my ex uses people and when he’s gotten all there is to get out of someone, he moves onto another. It’s funny because my ex continues to tell his family the same thing about me, that I use people! How I used him or anyone in his family is beyond me. I’m the one he dated for 5 years while I witnessed all of his bullshit only to be left with a baby, a broken heart and nothing more. He had nothing to offer me. No house, no money, no assets. How did I use him? What for? He said that I “rallied people against him.” He does an excellent job of rallying people against him all on his own. People come to me and tell me how much of an ass my ex is now without a word being said on my part. That admittedly feels good.

The last time I drank, I surpassed my limit (mostly because someone stupidly decided to mix my drinks from vodka to whiskey which I proceeded to throw up for an hour). This time I stayed happy and in equally sloshed company. It’s never fun to be way more tipsy than everyone around you because everything you say is perceived as loud and obnoxious. Looking back at the texts from that night are funny. I also brought an army of drunks to the car with me when my dad picked me up. That wasn’t embarresing at all… *hurr* I hate my dad seeing me like that but he just laughed. Drinking 2-3 times a year is totally forgivable.

Jay was unfortunately out of town for this party. We’ve been dating over 2 months now and I couldn’t be happier. He told me he could see himself falling for me a bit ago and I just stupidly stared at him with a grin that took up my whole face. Kind of how I’ve felt about E3 the last week. I had friends who went and hearing the stories/seeing the pictures makes me so undeniably jealous. They showed footage from “Dead Island,” “Bioshock Infinite,” “Gears of war 3,” Modern Warefare 3,” and many others but just upon seeing those, I’m dreadfully excited. Once Jay and I beat Portal2 co-op, we need something new to kick around together! I still need to show him “The Guild,” which he’s never seen. I just let him borrow all my “Wetmoon,” comics. We are such geeks. Except he is more of a super hero nerd and I’m more of a gamer geek. 🙂

Okay, Things I need to get done-I’m looking into signing up for online classes this fall. I need to get my general education out of the way so I can move on to get my Illustration degree. I also need to plan my sons first birthday party (including inviting all the ex in laws) and I need to complete more court paperwork. Oooh all this paperwork…*groan* I’m trying to get my job back at gamestop if only for 1-2 days a week so I can work with my girl friend. She’s in need of company of the estrogen sort in a work environment that’s mostly…penis.

I’m watching a lot of twilight zone lately. Hooray youtube!


The other side

•May 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Things keep getting weirder and weirder.

My ex brother in law (he’s married to my ex’s older sister) has been hitting on me for the last month. Full on flirtatiousness via text message. I’m so floored. He’s in his early 40’s (looks good for his age) and is a guitarist. I’ll admit, I’ve always found him attractive since I met him when I was 16 but this is SO giggle inducing to know that a MARRIED member of my ex’s family thinks I’m hot and not just hot but *I want to bang you* hot. Ego boost for the win. I don’t really know what to do with him though. I’m friendly back and don’t really encourage him. I see him every few months when his family drives the 6+ hours to visit my exs parents and so I’m a little nervous to see him again in person after all this awkwardness. I’m flattered but it freaks me out a little. Now I know why he was always kissing me with his hello’s and goodbyes for the last couple years, lol. Jay thinks it’s all entertaining and creepy.

Jay has officially met some of my exs family. My ex sister in law (I consider her the only trustworthy one of the 3 sister in laws since she herself was a single mom before marrying my ex’s older brother), her husband (ex’s brother), my ex mother in law and ex father in law (but I don’t really count him since he never says a word to me anymore. not a single hello or how are you.) My ex sister in law thinks Jay is awesome. She’s always been on my side and continues to give me helpful guidance on how to deal with child support and government assistance (which is something I need to pursue now). Even my ex mother in law was nice to Jay and said, “Take care of her,” to him upon leaving. He didn’t know how to respond. Who would without major sarcasm. If I could have switched places with Jay for a moment, I would have loved to say something along the lines of, “Oh don’t worry, I’ll do a hell of a lot better than your delinquent, shitty excuse for a son…” Oh man, I’m mean. In all reality I still feel sorry for my ex. He has no direction in his life and deep down is miserable.

Being a single mom pressures me to get my education underway. I also need to figure out a babysitting situation for my son so that I can get a job. My friend can get me a job at a Jamba Juice. I worked at one when I was 17 and despised it (rude customers make any job crappy) but money is money and at least I’d be working with my friend. My parents are pretty negative about me working purely because they think having someone to watch my son will consume all the money I make, therefore becoming pointless. It hurts my brain to think myself in circles about balancing jobs, school and son not to mention I have no car but it CAN BE DONE. If single moms in the ghetto who are a lot worse off than I can pull themselves up with government aid, so can I! I just need to set up an appointment to meet with human resources and start all this as soon as possible. I need to make it to the other side…wish me luck!



•May 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I finally got my son a crib.

An actual crib with lion king bedding! (I miss the Disney store. most of them have closed down.) I still need to assemble it. I cannot believe he’s almost a year old. My birthday is a month after his so that’s all I’ve been thinking about lately. The night when I’ll get an extended amount of time to do whatever. I’ve been considering a beach bonfire but that’s hard to pull off because it’s a ways away and lugging all that firewood and coolers from car trunks to beach front is tough but watching people get tipsy and chasing waves is almost worth the trouble. Speaking of trouble, I’ve still been having fun playing Undead Nightmare. It’s still awesome but the game freezes sometimes and then I love a ton of what I had just done. Fail. I’ve collected two horses of the Apocalypse. I feel so accomplished when I break a horse. I miss resident evil style games though like the original mansion one. The suspense is so intense in those games.

Also- on the romance front, it’s been lovely. Jay is like some long lost part of me I love but finally found. THE. THINGS. HE. SAYS. *fans self* I get lightning up my spine because it’s so freaky and exciting. Plus he’s so good with the offspring. Carrying him around, playing with him, loading the carseat/stroller with ease, haha. The funny part is, at first i’m really content with I watch all this unfold but then i’m often overcome by a sense of foreboding and a turmoil. I can’t help think he’ll get bored of me eventually. As if all this single mom dating stuff is worth it you know? I mean, i’d like to think I was worth it. He seems to think so. The other night he said, “I don’t want to freak you out or anything but I could see myself falling for you..,” My heart fell down a flight of steps at that sentence and I could do was stare at him and chuckle. I think my problem is I’m self defeating. Part of me wants to yell, “RUN WHILE YOU CAN,” to anyone I get close to, as if deep down I know it’d be so much easier for them to leave early while things are still new than letting things grow and having them leave then. I fear heartache like the plague.

My son is nearly a year old. Wow. Still isn’t walking yet but has been getting better and better at standing on his own. I’m so apprehensive for the future. I don’t want to mess him up in any way. He’s so perfect and innocent right now…I’d like to keep him that way.