Instead of dollars, We’ll be counting stars

More classes…fall semester…sigh. I’m so close and yet so far! Well, I mean, I’ve been “behind” in my mind for a good long time, being 24 and lacking even an AA…but it’s within reach! I’ve talked to counselors at my community college and next year! By the end of 2014 I should have it! Same with Jay! We are so excited. These aren’t the fun ones though… I still have math…which i thought was my only downfall but I am currently in a basic biology course in which the formulas and processes (ugh photosynthesis) are kicking my butt! It’s crazy. I’m also in a speech class(i’d rather die than speak publicly) but strangely my first narative speech (i did it on little peas birth) went well! Got an A. Next is an info speech and I’m doing it on the benefits of breastfeeding. The complaint will probably be on religion in schools/government affairs and the persuasive will be on circumcision! So don’t I look like a crunchie hippie, lol

The kids are good. Big sweetpea is ready for preschool but we cannot afford it yet but the home daycare he is in is excellent! The woman is amazing and teaches him his letters, shapes, numbers ect. She has an entire curriculum so it’s LIKE preschool. He has issues with sharing because he isn’t around too many kids too often unfortunately. I feel like a terrible mom because I cant find too much time to take him to the park like he should to burn energy. I’ve got SO much homework all the time. Little pea is fantastic and starting to stand on his own (no real steps yet). I believe he has 3 teeth, the top 2 front and a bottom front (almost 4). He and big pea get a long marvelously and big pea entertains little pea which is awesome. I was an only child and so bored. Observing siblings is really great. It’s that fact that makes me forget that both were unplanned! hah! 😛

Two kids definitely puts a strain on your relationship. Jay and I have been in therapy for a long time now and continuing to struggle with working on our differences. It’s more that we are both set in our ways (especially when it comes to things we think are best for the kids) and you cannot compromise over everything… but I have issues compromising over much at all. We think this comes from a place of single-mom-dom. I still struggle with making choices for big pea that Jay steps in and reiterates that he is as *father* to him as he could be which is 100% true, it’s just that MY father (well meaning) pushes that until we get married, Jay is NOT big peas actual father and that I need to take a stand with that. It’s been a huge dividing factor. Especially since my ex has recently stepped back in via text messages basically stating that he is in major debt and needs child support lowered by either me telling the courts i dont need any more support for big pea OR him seeing big pea weekly.  Now I know the department of child support is big peas advocate so i have no desire to lie to them and tell them big pea doesnt need the support anymore but it makes my skin crawl that my ex only wants to see big pea for monetary reasons. My father thinks me telling the department this will somehow..do something. I don’t believe they’ll care and that they get thousands of these cases a week with similar circumstances but who knows.

It wouldn’t be awful for big pea to see my ex weekly because my ex is like a big kid and so seeing him at a park would probably work out. It’s just the only for monetary reasons part that makes me furious. My ex has an irresponsible track record but until i remarry, his IS big peas bio dad. -_-‘ and the whole remarry thing we aren’t in a hurry over. Jay and I need to come to a comfortable place of being able to make joint decisions as a team for both kids. It feels impossible when it comes to the genuine stuff we fundamentally disagree over. Jay thinks we came to a middle ground over religion in that we will always make it verbal that the kids are being raised “with Jewish teachings” by him and humanistic teachings from both of us (along with christian teachings from my parents and more Jewish teachings from Jays parents). That is, until they reach “bar mitzvah” age…where I fear it will be a pressure fest all over again. I’ll admit it, i see friends of ours that are religion free and they flaunt it and it scratches at my soul, wondering if Jay and I will part ways down the line over it. Time will only tell.

That’s one of our many little issues. I’ll be blunt, our sex life took a hit too. I’m kind of an oversexed person. I’d have it every day if I could but Jay never initiates and if I didn’t, if feels we’d next to never have any. He’d rather play videos games or watch tv shows but I’d rather have some sex and THEN move on to cuddling in front of a show.. anyhow, we are working on it.

Still trying to get Jay to vlog or blog. I see great dad-blogs and he’s such a character, he’d make a wonderful Vlogger.

The county stopped aiding us because Jay came into some stocks that he used to pay off his credit card debt so now big peas child support got all messed up because the county was making up for my ex being delinquent in payments. I may try to go back in the next 2 weeks to reapply for aid now that we are back to having no money. Our aid systems are so messed up. They want you to have absolutely 0% savings. oh and I just heard the goverment SHUT DOWN today. What…the heck? lol

I did save enough money (for over a year!!) to get my next tattoo! Which is a nouveau style corpse bride on my thigh! It turned out beautiful and in 2 weeks the background ( a stephen gammell tree and church graveyard) will be added. yay!

Miss blogging,

-SGM

~ by Single Gamer Mom on October 1, 2013.