Somebody I used to know.

As I sit here with a sleeping 7 week old on my lap, I wonder where the time went. I lost my ability to write about life for over a year. I couldn’t even draw and I’m an artist! Jay and I had a son together. Ya I know, I’m right there with you, WHAT THE HECK?? Looking back it went something like: Oh crap, a bladder infection (a trip to planned parenthood for antiobiotics and no one telling me they would mess with the pill I was on). Wa-lah! 6 weeks later- a conversation at some burger joint with Jay going along the lines of:

“We need to talk..”

*wide eyes* “…are you breaking up with me?”

“what?..no! I’m pregnant..”

“oh jeeze! I thought you were bringing me bad news..had me worried there..”

As if that isn’t the best reaction in the world. Jay has been the most incredible father to BOTH the offspring. Speaking of which, my other babe is 2 1/2! I cannot even believe that. It’s been tough. He loves the new baby and is very good with him but has regressed horribly. Where once he was volunteering to pee on his little potty, he is now refusing. He announces he has to go #2, I bring him to a potty, he then announces he does not have to go and within 10 minutes of diapering and dressing him back up….he goes. The event yesterday will remain fresh in my mind for weeks- picture a full shopping cart and a toddler in the top portion who decided to not only go #2 but that it should be seen by the world..and maybe painted with. (ugh. My mom laughs at me saying I did the same stuff at this age. It’s not too encouraging somehow.)

All my friends from highschool or previous jobs are either pregnant, have kids or are getting married. I’ve always avoided the topic of marriage after parting with offpsrings sperm donor…oh I guess I should start calling them “big and little,” (anyone else have a little, big planet flash? oh just me? hmm)- Well after parting with ex husband (yes, remember, we FINALLY go divorced. The papers only took like, 2 years..), I’d been seriously considering not marrying again. My mind kept going to, it’ll just be so much hassle on my son if we part and all that paperwork and heartache. Jay took a lot of time chipping away at my tall, steel walls I had erected for safety. He’s a family man and very much would like to get married one day. I’ve gone from quietly ignoring those talks to pulling the “yea someday,” to finally graduating to a happy, looking forward to one day wearing an actual white wedding dress (my first was NOT white..it was sort of orange and purple. I liked that whole pagan, unique colors wedding theme then..). I cannot believe I’ve been bitten again by the marriage bug. I swear it’s all these girls around me hanging out on pinterest (even if they are single) and pinning wedding plans. Hey, I’m not judging..just saying- probably better to HAVE a boyfriend first..and not be in highschool. *wink* Anyhow, so Jay hasn’t formally popped the question (he knows I’m a sucker for proposals in disneyland) but has sort of “made sure” I’m bound to say yes before going that route. He’s really wonderful and his immediate family is great to. I’ve been living with all of them for almost a year and a half. His younger sister and I have become like sisters (she’s as geeky and into doctor who as I am!)

So since dating Jay, I’ve learned my fair share about Judaism, self sacrifice and as the Onceler says from “The Lorax,” -an irrational sense of optimism (that movie is all big offspring has been watching lately. I actually really like it even after 100 times in a week). Jay seriously gives more benefits of doubts and sees the possible good in EVERY situation and person. His father taught him never to burn bridges (which I do not fully agree with but the concept is nice).  Jay sacrifices of himself so much for others and when he calls me and the kids his little family, it touches me. I’m not one for water works and too much mush but after just having gone through another pregnancy, gimme a break.

Which reminds me, UH HELLO! I MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER 9 MONTHS OF CARRYING A CHILD. Oh and the whole pushing it out thing. Jay insisted I should get an epidural during the pregnancy and I was reexplaining how wrong the first one went with big offspring but I caved at 6cm dilated and boy, how thankful I am that I got it. NOW I finally understand people who rave about them. I was comfy and felt nothing (UNLIKE THE LAST TIME- Still do not know what the heck happened with THAT epidural) and got to watch myself push little offspring out (with Jay, my mom, his mom and sister present). I was glorious to say the least. Absolutely magical. Jay would like a girl one day (note, not “more kids,” just an eventual girl), which could mean more boys until a girl is attained. I’m happy with 2 though and wouldn’t know what to do with a girl! haha, Can’t say how happy I am to have 2 boys since I am such a tomboy. Although, I’ve now had 2 surprises, I told Jay that I’d love to maybe one day PLAN a pregnancy. We’ll see. As of now, I told him GIVE ME 2 YEARS and I’ll THINK about it.

Hannukah was fun and so was Christmas except for the strange explosion that happened at Jay’s extended family’s house. Jay and I agreed to generally follow the doctors orders about no one (besides immediate family) holding the little offspring till he was at least 6 weeks old but Jays aunt and grandmother had a complete melt down (complete with exorcist head spinning and swearing). They thought it was stupid  to not hold the baby when merely walking into their house opened him up to germs (Jay insisted we go over and I wanted to, despite the doctor saying to stay in) I sat in shock while breastfeeding the little one as an all out attack was directed at Jay and eventually at his parents (thank goodness his sister was in another state visiting the other, much more docile grandparents). Long story short, Jay and I left in tears. The big offspring witnessed all the yelling and swearing and proceeded to repeat it the following week (including some choice phrases to MY parents the next day so that required a lot of explaining). Jay is very attached to his family despite their behavior over the years and periodic bad treatment of him and his family so while he wants this to blow over and to get back together with them (obviously after a long talk about what that did to my toddler) where as, after being treated so poorly and seeing a bunch of 45-75 year olds act like that, while claiming to be superior, logical and medical- I’d like to avoid them and NOT bring my kids anywhere near them for a LONG time. They refuse to apologize or even acknowledge the explosiveness or swearing. Jays father acts like this is typical of them (although not appropriate) and used the phrase, “we need to play the game,” with people like this so that they THINK they are in the right. I cringe at “game” mentality because (and not out of pride) I was taught respect and the massive lack of it that night was appalling. Well, there was my rant. 3 weeks later, we have heard nothing from them. Fine by me! Everyone is grouchy that we are waiting to vaccinate (big offspring was 2 when I started the DTAP with him and that’s really the only one I planned on because Jay was so insistent for little offspring’s sake). Jay wanted little one to have all his vaccinations. I wanted to wait till 2 again but Jay is insisting starting at 6 months latest. I’m not happy with that but that is another issue we are working on. Too much, too soon is my thought. We try to take a united front. His father and extended Jewish family are also perturbed about us not circumcising (Jay accepted my stance on it after many heated discussions during the pregnancy).

That brings up the issue of Judaism. We were very restless while I was pregnant about what to do about the kids and Jay wanting his new son to be raised Jewish. I had a firm aversion to doing anything with the new baby that my oldest might feel disconnected about. I am not Jewish, my oldest is not and technically, according to most Jews, our youngest is not Jewish but to Jay, “raising him Jewish” is enough to make him Jewish. I cannot pretend to understand it completely but we keep a some what playful banter about what our little family is exactly. We’re a family..that’s what we are. 🙂

On a different subject- It’s been freezing out lately. Too freezing for outdoor parks but thankfully the mall nearby has some sort of little play place for kids thats enclosed. My pregnant girlfriend and I are going to high tail it over there today to walk (my fat ass needs to drop 30lbs but is looking fantastic fast after little offspring). Jay and I really need to watch our finances now with 2 kids. We have been on a waiting list for low income housing for a year now. It’s well worth the wait but it’s a bitch being patient for when Jays parents are kind of hoarders (big offspring gets into everything imaginable. not to self- NEVER have potted plants in future apartment/house). I am no longer working and Jays bank job pays really well but when he likes to eat out and we both enjoy all the geek paraphernalia available, saving is hard. Our current plan is to get a new car because Jays is falling apart. I’m thinking, full efficiency and probably a hatchback. My mom wants us to get a prius but those are crazy expensive. I hear Honda Civics get good mileage but the hatchbacks we have been browsing are Ford fiesta, toyota yaris, honda fit, scion IQ and chevy spark. Those are within our price range. Jay has some stock from his grandfathers old company that he’s been meaning to sell that’ll pay off the debt he has and be a nice down payment for a car.

I cant wait for “Walking Dead” to start back up again! That and “Trueblood” are my drug of choice lately. “House of Lies” is really good too. I had never watched much of “Archer” before but Jay turned me onto it. Really looking forward to “Dead Space 3” next month and “Aliens: Colonial Marines!” Jay and I just finished “skylanders” finally (I wasn’t too fond of it but he loved playing it with me so… :P) I have to wait longer for the Walking Dead game where you play as Daryl Dixon (best decision they ever made. Norman Reedus is a total hottie lol).

In other news, my ex is supposedly trying to get into the military again. That’d be great and honestly, I’d be happy for him because despite all the crap between us, I’ve forgiven him and WANT his stupid ass to go find his passion (or just get his darn life on track). I saw him on and off last year to trade paper work he needed and such. Jay still hasn’t met him and doesn’t want to. Jay says he probably punch him in the face for pretty much abandoning fatherhood. I’m just glad my ex isn’t in jail or knocking up people (his gf recently broke up with him BECAUSE he’s perusing the military. irony). Sigh, lot of explaining I’ll have to do to my oldest son one day since I cannot avoid my exs mom visits and sends gifts which is nice and I appreciate it but I’m waiting for the eventual, “why do I have all these grandparents?” question. Not looking forward to it.

Anyhow, look at me rambling and right as little offspring wakes up, I bit you all adieu till next time (hopefully sooner rather than later. Jay plans on starting a vlog soon! hehe)

-SGM

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~ by Single Gamer Mom on January 16, 2013.

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