Commitment/Trust Issues.

Apparently, my iphone took a ride atop Jay’s car and was never heard from again. It’s the end of the world. No really, I bought that back when I still had money and now…well I’m shit out of luck.

I’ve lost something like three phones in my life. I’m cursed. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to lose my son (gotta get one of those backpack leashes lol). I used to be so judgmental about those stupid kid leashes but now I figure you might as well if you are going somewhere like disneyland…WHICH I AM! Yea,..Jay is TAKING THE OFFSPRING AND I TO THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. It’s been a delicious 3 months of dating and I hope this will continue to be take-my-breath-away-awesomeness. I feel like Bridget Jones just before going on her mini-break holiday with Hugh Grant…and then it all goes downhill and she finds out he’s a cheating, lying scumbag…mmyep. No, Jay is wicked cool. He even said the “L” word unexpectedly the other week. I faltered and did a horrible silent-no reaction to which an awkward couple days of “I understand, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird,” conversations were brought up by poor Jay. I’m ecstatic that he cares deeply for me but…I’m still so cautious. I fear anyone I let in will use me and then turn around and leave when they’re done. I do feel like I am falling for him but I want to really mean “I love you,” before saying it. I can’t believe I’m the girl and I’m having to say that. Guh, I’m such a man. *Commitment issues*

((But yea, he is really taking us to DisneyLand! It’s so ridiculous I can’t even believe it. He’s taking a week off work to drive us down, baby stuff and all. Not to mention he’s paying for 75% of the trip. We’re seeing if any of our friends want to join to ease the gas/motel price but still. This guy can’t be real. I keep saying that to myself. I’m becoming a believer…TOWER OF TERROR, HERE I COME!!))

My son is starting to take a couple steps here and there. He’ll be a year old in a week. He also now throws tantrums. Like turn red in the face and throws himself around tantrums. Plus he’s becoming more and more rejecting of his jarred baby food but is intensely picky about what solids I give him. My mom laughs and says that he’s the spitting image of me. Thanks mom.

Annnnd in other news: I’m 99% sure I have ADD/ADHD. So on top of being on anti-depressants, I’ll probably be on adderall or something after I stop breastfeeding. Ugh I hate medication. Someone told me to get a medical marijuana card, lol. I told them that’d make me feel too 16 again. It’s hard being a mom, it really is. A single mom who can’t afford video games or comics. So depressing. I haven’t been able to by my son new toys in months. I feel so shitty but Jay took me to see “Green Lantern,” and was SO impressed. It’s right up there with “Iron Man,” maybe even better. Mmmm mm, Ryan Reynolds. I cannot wait to see him in a “Deadpool,” movie! I so appreciate Jay’s companionship and genuine kindness. He really looks out for my son and I.

I signed up for WIC the other day. Still trying to get the hang of these weird coupons. I haven’t used any yet. I’m a little embarrassed and I know I shouldn’t be but I get nervous holding onto them. I’m still trying to figure out what government assistance I can tap into for housing ect. If I do not move out in the next year, I’ll have a meltdown. Living with super opinionated grandparents is taking it’s toll. Love my parents but we get along so well living apart.

Wish me luck guys, I really need it!

-SGM

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~ by Single Gamer Mom on June 27, 2011.

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