I finally got my son a crib.

An actual crib with lion king bedding! (I miss the Disney store. most of them have closed down.) I still need to assemble it. I cannot believe he’s almost a year old. My birthday is a month after his so that’s all I’ve been thinking about lately. The night when I’ll get an extended amount of time to do whatever. I’ve been considering a beach bonfire but that’s hard to pull off because it’s a ways away and lugging all that firewood and coolers from car trunks to beach front is tough but watching people get tipsy and chasing waves is almost worth the trouble. Speaking of trouble, I’ve still been having fun playing Undead Nightmare. It’s still awesome but the game freezes sometimes and then I love a ton of what I had just done. Fail. I’ve collected two horses of the Apocalypse. I feel so accomplished when I break a horse. I miss resident evil style games though like the original mansion one. The suspense is so intense in those games.

Also- on the romance front, it’s been lovely. Jay is like some long lost part of me I love but finally found. THE. THINGS. HE. SAYS. *fans self* I get lightning up my spine because it’s so freaky and exciting. Plus he’s so good with the offspring. Carrying him around, playing with him, loading the carseat/stroller with ease, haha. The funny part is, at first i’m really content with I watch all this unfold but then i’m often overcome by a sense of foreboding and a turmoil. I can’t help think he’ll get bored of me eventually. As if all this single mom dating stuff is worth it you know? I mean, i’d like to think I was worth it. He seems to think so. The other night he said, “I don’t want to freak you out or anything but I could see myself falling for you..,” My heart fell down a flight of steps at that sentence and I could do was stare at him and chuckle. I think my problem is I’m self defeating. Part of me wants to yell, “RUN WHILE YOU CAN,” to anyone I get close to, as if deep down I know it’d be so much easier for them to leave early while things are still new than letting things grow and having them leave then. I fear heartache like the plague.

My son is nearly a year old. Wow. Still isn’t walking yet but has been getting better and better at standing on his own. I’m so apprehensive for the future. I don’t want to mess him up in any way. He’s so perfect and innocent right now…I’d like to keep him that way.



~ by Single Gamer Mom on May 31, 2011.

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