Sleep, those little slices of death…

Saturday was officially the one year mark of having been broken up with my ex. I wanted to something significant because it felt so good to have made it to where I am in one piece. A year ago, I was packing my bags and moving OUT of his parents house, 7 months pregnant and miserable. Today I’m 70lbs lighter, have a beautiful 10 month old son and an awesome boyfriend. One who behaves like a white knight, like I imagined when I was young. *Queue “The Killers”* Anyway, I ended up just sitting at home. I need to get out more. Should have had a margarita skype party.

So I was prescribed anti-depressants the other day. I’ve always struggled with depression (who hasn’t though?) and everyone tells me it’s understandable, given what I’ve gone through but I don’t think the depression I feel on and off now its centered around my ex or a bad break up. Sadly, it’s in my blood. I’m adopted and both my birth parents struggled with it. I’m destined to feel bouts of hopelessness. It really irks me when I hear my mom say things like, “but look what you have!” (Referring to my son). As bad as this sounds, he is actually a big reason for feeling so down. Not him specifically! I LOVE my son but it’s the fear of falling short as a parent that gets me down. I also get caught up in not knowing exactly what I want to do with my life (another recurring theme with us young folk). I’ve considered getting into psychology (specifically human sexuality studies) but I’m pretty sure you have to get a masters to go anywhere in that field. If I could only achieve the art skills I’m so desperate to reach, then I swear I’d probably be as happy as this life could make me.

Last night was a gamestop launch of “LA Noire” and while I don’t play it, Jay does so I accompanied him and my old co-workers. It’s nice to socialize. You don’t realize how much you miss those moments till you’re on the clock when having them, checking your watch because you have to get back to your sleeping baby..but Jay is so relaxed regardless. It still amazes me that he flat out doesn’t seem to mind that I am a mother. While I don’t care for “LA Noire,” I HAVE been playing another Rockstar game, “Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare.” Let me just say that I AM IN LOVE. It’s ridiculously fun and the horse locomotion puts a grin on my face every-time and the zombie set up is great. Jay and I are both looking forward to “Fear3,” and it’s “You fucking run” mode, haha. I need some good survival horror in my life…

This weekend, Jay and I were invited to my ex sister in laws house for a BBQ. She is desperate to meet and question him to see if he is a good guy. This should be interesting…



~ by Single Gamer Mom on May 17, 2011.

2 Responses to “Sleep, those little slices of death…”

  1. Found your blog via your fan page on facebook 🙂
    I’ve dealt with depression since I was about 17 (I’m 32 now) It comes and it goes. I’ve had to take medication. I have learned that people who have never had true depression don’t understand it. They thing you can just “think” your way out of it and as much as I wish that were a possibility, it’s not. It runs in my family too (my grandmother had it most of her life). If you need to take meds to help you then there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean if you had diabetes you’d take medication. Do what you have to do for you and your kiddo :). If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me 🙂

    • Thanks a lot Nikki! Yea, people who have not had depression just think it’s a little bit of sadness or something, haha. I just started on some generic brand of Zoloft. We’ll see! I’m hopeful. It’s all I can be 🙂 wish me luck~

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