I think I ate some soul food recently…

Most days, when my mind is not too absorbed with being a mom to focus on anything else, I’m contemplative. It’s my logical virgo nature to pick my brain and the brains of others. I’m even born in the year of the snake so my motto is “I think.”

I try to stay reserved. I try to reign in my excitement. I hate appearing too fascinated as i often tend to do. It’s hard concealing captivation. Once you’re a 20-something year old, you never know how that whole “exclusivity” aspect creeps into a relationship. It’s not like high school anymore. Is there a talk? If so, when?  Some say just let things happen, others say not to let things happen WITHOUT some sort of spoken agreement, if only for safety of health (not that your always guaranteed a trustworthy partner). I have no intention of rushing but I wouldn’t want someone thinking I like being intimate out of a committed relationship. People are pretty split on the issue. Half of people i polled were insistent on a talk and the other half insisted that the experiences with someone special would eventually just lead to a committed relationship  but that just doesn’t make sense to me. It’d be pretty disheartening  (albeit a tad funny) if someone asked the other to marry them after years of “supposed dating” and that person was like “huh? what? didn’t you know I was seeing other people?? marriage, what??” Haha

I used to not believe in marriage a long time ago and while my 30 second “marriage” if i can even call it that, shook my foundation, I think it actually helped me to believe in marriage even more firmly. My inner disney-princess-girl heart shines through, romantically waiting for the day my prince charming gets down on one knee. The day I get to really walk down an aisle, really wear a dress and really feel like a bride and not abandoned/betrayed like the corpse bride. I just hope the commitment-pessimism fades by then and the ever nagging thoughts of “how could anyone possibly love me/marry me?” When someone falls out of love with you, I suppose you remain forever a little jaded but i don’t want to be. Jay said something the other day that made me smile. “It was so short, It’s as if you were never married.” I’d certainly like to view it that way but if he does, that gives me hope. Then we laughed about a gamer-themed wedding I saw online. However cool that is, I don’t think I’d want a themed wedding. A wedding should be…wedding themed? 😛

This is the dress I’ve always admired, minus the freaking tiara. (I just don’t know if I’ll cave and want a white dress eventually)

Am I retarded for having had a dress picked up for years? >_> How is it I’m incredibly tom-boy, geek-gamer but weddings make me cry? hehe

A friend of my ex was all about “open relationships” and basically had a little harem of girlfriends. He even lived with 2 for a time. I cant comprehend how the girls would cope, not with the jealously but with the knowledge that they couldn’t possibly grow to marry or have children with this guy who is basically a player. It just seems like that kind of relationship wouldn’t go anywhere emotionally. All those arguments that we are or aren’t meant to be monogamous come to mind. I have a girlfriend who firmly believes monogamy was just pushed to help build and further the economy and that we should be sexing as much as possible in our short lives for that is our purpose. You’ll find I have few “firm stances” on anything because I’d like to think the majority of issues out there are different for different people. There are few absolutes and many possibilities. (I use this thought process for spirituality too-not to be confused with organized religion, which i dislike) It seems to ring true that general monogamy works for the vast majority of people, save the infidelity that is so prevalent. People cheat for different reasons so it isn’t the best argument against monogamy. Some were with the wrong person to begin with so there hearts seek another, some begrudge their partner for something they did therefore seeking some kind of revenge, while others just aren’t capable of being with only one person.

I truly think it has a huge amount to do with a certain kind of maturity. One can be very smart, skilled and successful yet still lack that type of maturity it takes to hold on to and appreciate a single person despite their flaws. Just my thoughts…

-SGM

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~ by Single Gamer Mom on April 7, 2011.

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