Taking the plunge

Let’s see, where to begin…

It has been nearly a year since I was cast out of my ex’s house, after what began as a heated argument about his world of warcraft addiction. Actually it wasn’t his house, it was his parents’ house.

I was 20 years old, 7 months pregnant and had been married not even 6 months.

Let’s rewind just a bit. It had been typical, convenient, high school ignited romance. Boy meets girl. He was a year old than I. We traveled together, attended hundreds of dinners, family events and holidays. We battled our way through zombie hoards, pokemon AND teamed up to play through “gears of war 2” on insane mode. We excitedly stood in midnight launch lines and stayed up till the crack of dawn talking. When things were tough, we cried on each others shoulders. When things were good, we gleefully laughed our asses off. We had been an inseparable tag team for nearly 5 YEARS before I became pregnant, engaged for about a year prior to that so this isn’t a “one night stand” story either. We practically grew up together through our teenage years but it mattered not. (Nothing screams “run for it” louder than impending, undesired fatherhood.) In the end, he opted out of marriage AND fatherhood for a life in the party scene. I wish him the best and hope he figures out how to find happiness. So on that seemingly normal morning, after hearing the words, “I don’t love you anymore,” I packed my things and I moved back in with my parents who, although completely supportive of me, sighed with looks of “I told you so” for awhile. I can honestly say, the grieving process took about 6 solid months. Exercise helped exponentially (besides, I gained just over 60lbs during my pregnancy. I needed it.) Around 7 months post breakup, he decided to get a girl friend. I was devastated all over again but the feeling didn’t last long.

Now, at present day, we’re about 2 months shy of the 1 year “post apocalypse” mark. I’ve lost over 60lbs, returned to my pre-pregnancy jeans (hallelujah) and am growing my hair out from my rebellious, semi-shaved, punk rock days. I spend my time hurrying after my GORGEOUS, nearly 9 month old son. I’ve perfected the art of taking less than 5 minute showers and I no longer need an alarm clock because co-sleeping introduces being jumped on first thing in the morning! It’s a wonderful and terrible thing to be a mother. Having your heart walk around outside your body where it can fall down and cry is painful but seeing it get back up and smile at you with unconditional love is genuinely priceless. I wont lie or candy coat it, giving birth was the scariest, most awful event in my life thus far. It was not pretty, it was not easy and it was NOT enjoyed. I do not feel any shame in saying that and all the moms before me were right. It was 100% worth it.

The overwhelming amount of single parents today is astounding. Seeing all their struggles and triumphs via blogging is encouraging. This is my project: to blog about my experiences as a single mother AND as a self proclaimed geeky individual. This is the start of a whole new adventure. Bring. It. On.



~ by Single Gamer Mom on March 25, 2011.

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